IN MY NEXT LIFE....

In my next life, I want to be long-snapper in the NFL for one game.

In my next life, I want my name to be Manti Te'o.

In my next life, I want to see the NHL actually play some games.

In my next life, I would ban every athlete from Twitter to help save themselves.

In my next life, I'd promote a steel-cage death match between Paula Broadwell
and Jill Kelley.

In my next life, I'd make Bobby Petrino go to Catholic, Charm, and Get-a-Clue
school.

In my next life, I'd make PED's legal in the NFL. Let's face it, 90 percent of
the players are using something. Only the dumb ones get caught. There are no
sacred records to break and fans love collisions with bigger, stronger, and
faster athletes.

In my next life, I'd tell Jim Furyk to endorse 6-hour energy instead of five because
he always seems to run out of gas and choke on the final hole of tournaments.

In my next life, Jeff Loria wouldn't be allowed to own the Marlins or any other
team in Major League Baseball.

In my next life, I'd send any owner who gives a player a 10-year contract to
get psychological testing.

In my next life, I'd require all eyeglasses to become fully assembled, which
means LENSES would have to be included.

In my next life, I would ban the media from covering anything involving T.O.
Lolo, and Solo.

In my next life, I'd make it part of NASCAR for the drivers be allowed to fight
after every race. Better for ratings and they'd get more than 10 seconds of highlights
on SportsCenter.

In my next life, I'd build in a permanent mute button for Stu Scott. Boo-yeah!

In my next life, I'd make Peter Gammons the commissioner of baseball.

In my next life, I'd make the NCAA put a ban on ugly uniforms. (See Maryland,
Oregon, and any combat uniform that Nike, Adidas, or Under Armour produces.

In my next life, there would be no Twinkies. Ever.