Brad Steinke of Fox Arizona has long been known for his lyin', cryin', and fantasizin' ways. He is a lot like Lance Armstrong who smeared the reputation of those who knew his dirty little secret and went so far as trying to sue them even though he knew they were telling the truth. Sad thing is, Armstrong almost got away with it. Steinke has---so far.
Steinke smeared my reputation with lies that were so comical, only people with an I.Q. of three or less would believe. Trouble was, he found three of them in one building. Hunter Nickell, Steve Craddock, and Rebecca O'Sullivan, the supposed leaders for Fox South and Arizona bought all his lies hook, line, and sinker. They didn't have the courage to ask a single question. Didn't wonder why a 45-year old "man" would run into their office and whine and cry like a petulant child and make a complaint against a person who was no longer with the company.
After years of running, hiding, and having others fight for him, Steinke finally got the courage to sit down for an interview with the man he accused of ridiculous things.
PD: Brad, you are looking a lot thinner than what I remember. What happened?
STEINKE: Well, that's what happens when you spend all your time running from the truth. Burns a lot of calories.
PD: Why were you running?
STEINKE: Well, you remember when I left that message on your voicemail after you got let go. I said, "Nobody, hangs up on Brad Steinke! Do you know how many Emmy-awards I've won? You deserved to get fired." Well, I realized I shouldn't have left that message on your machine. I thought you'd be a little girl like me and run to management and get me fired. I had to protect myself."
PD: So, let's see. One sunny afternoon, two months after I was gone, we ran into each other at a stop light about five miles from my home and two miles from yours. I was coming back from dropping two friends off from a boat party. You were coming back from getting botox injections, is that right?
STEINKE: That's correct. But I got collogen in my lips and my eyebrows plucked, too.
PD: And what did you do next?
STEINKE: I drove straight home and called my mommy first. Then I called Hunter Nickell, Steve Craddock, and Rebecca O'Sullivan and told them you were following me.
PD: Any they believed it?
STEINKE: Yes, they are dumber than three stumps. It was a lay-up. They are like most people in this country who believe everything they hear. Damn, if I had known they were so clueless and cowardly, I would've told them you were Ted Bundy's co-conspirator, too.
PD: If you were so scared, why didn't you run to the police?
STEINKE: Well, quite honestly, they would've laughed in my face. A 45-year old complaining about running into a former friend and co-worker on a bright, sunny afternoon in the middle of Atlanta?. They aren't dumb enough to believe that and they would've mocked me to no end, then I would've had to call my mommy again. At least with Hunter, Steve, and Rebecca who were much like the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and the Lion for the Wizard of Oz, I didn't have to worry about telling the truth or get arrested for making a false report.
PD: Now, we were friends, right?
STEINKE: Absolutely. We played golf three times a week and when I moved from Miami and didn't know a soul, you introduced to your circle of friends. Remember when I was crying because they moved my desk around and put me in the corner. You were so cool to offer up your space. And when I bought this 80-inch television to record my shows on and play back for my BFF's, I called you to use your truck and help me move it into my place. And thankfully, you told me to quit wearing the 'Miami Vice' look to parties and urged me to lose the 'choker' or necklace, as I like to call it. Thanks, man. But when it comes to my career, I don't have 'friends' and I will throw my mother under the bus to get ahead and destroy those who might get in my way.
PD: You bear a striking resemblance to Lance Armstrong. Any chance you were separated at birth. You certainly lie and try to smear reputations like the disgraced cyclist.
STEINKE: Yeah, I've heard that. Usually from the young boys I hang out with. Look, Lance almost got away with it and destroyed his friends and others along the way. He was my idol. I tried to emulate him in every way, including his pigeon chest and pipe cleaner arms. It's too bad what happened. He never should've have told the truth. Ya see what happened? Dumbass. I would've never done that. As the Showtime documentary about Armstrong stated, I will stop at nothing, too. Anything goes in life, most importantly lying, cheating, and throwing others under the bus. I make sure to roll back over them, too. And then I go run and hide.
PD: True, how so very true. It's fitting that your initials are BS.
STEINKE: Yeah, but most people call me the Stank man.
(Note: This is a fake interview. A parody. A joke like Steinke. A parody like the one Dan Jenkins did with Tiger Woods. The questions and situations are real. The Stank Man is not. Any time he wants to take a lie detector test, I'll take one, too. I'll put 10,000 on the line. I can guarantee you that Steinke will run from this as well)
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