5. HOFFA WEARING TEBOW JERSEY. Even though he's been dead for more than 30
years, Jimmy Hoff, miraculously, is wearing a Tim Tebow New York Jets jersey. When reached
for comment, Tebow says, "My Lord and Savior works in mysterious ways." Jets owner Woody
Johnson wants to claim the jersey so he can auction it off to his season ticket holders, and Bill
Belichick says, "It is what it is. We think Tim's a good football player."
4. HOFFA HAS IPHONE IN HIS POCKET. Investigators find an IPhone in the pants pocket
of Hoffa that's still working. When they go through the pictures, they discover one from Anthony Weiner titled, "Rocket Pocket."
3. A-ROD IS WITH HIM. A-Rod hasn't played for so long, everybody's pretty much forgotten
about him. and don't know where he is. (As if anybody cares) Investigators are shocked to find A-Rod next to Hoffa still breathing and with a syringe in his butt-taaaaaks.
2. HOFFA HAS BUSINESS PLAN FOR FACEBOOK. Investigators are shocked to
find a binder enclosed in plastic sandwich wrap that has detailed plans for a social network.
Upon hearing the news, the Winklevoss twins plan to sue the estate of Hoffa for $900, claiming
intellectual larceny.
1. HE COMES ALIVE---FOR 10 SECONDS. When investigators nudge the skeleton of
Hoffa, it comes to life and does the Harlem Shake, Gangnum style. What entertainment??!!!
Geraldo Rivera captures the event on his cell phone camera, but when he plays it to a nationally televised audience, there is nothing on it.
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