DOS EQUIS GUY VS STEAK SHAPIRO

                                                                   DOS EQUIS GUY
                                                       He lives vicariously through himself

                                                                   STEAK SHAPIRO
                                           He lives off his father who bought him a radio station.

                                                                   DOS EQUIS GUY
                                         His reputation is expanding faster than the universe.

                                                                  STEAK SHAPIRO
                                     His reputation is shrinking quicker than George Costanza.

    
                                                                       DOS EQUIS
                  He has so many talents, there is a sign on his back that reads, "Standing Room Only."

                                                                  STEAK SHAPIRO
                             He has so little talent, there is a sign on his forehead that reads, "Vacant."

                                                                  DOS EQUIS GUY
                                                          His blood smells like cologne.

                                                                  STEAK SHAPIRO
                                                        His blood smells like a cess pool.
                                                                                

                                                                  DOS EQUIS GUY
                                                          He cures people who are dying

                                                                 STEAK SHAPIRO
                                                          He mocks people who are dying.

                                                                   DOS EQUIS GUY
                                               He is the life of parties he doesn't even attend.

                                                                  STEAK SHAPIRO
                                               He sucks the life out of every party he attends.

                                                                   DOS EQUIS GUY
                                             If at first he does not succeed, then it is impossible.

                                                                  STEAK SHAPIRO
                      He succeeded at first because his father made it impossible for him to screw up.

                                                                DOS EQUIS GUY
                                                    His donation card also lists his beard

                                                                STEAK SHAPIRO
                                           His donation doesn't say anything about a brain.