DOS EQUIS GUY VS STEAK SHAPIRO

                                                                   DOS EQUIS GUY
                                                       He lives vicariously through himself

                                                                   STEAK SHAPIRO
                                           He lives off his father who bought him a radio station.

                                                                   DOS EQUIS GUY
                                         His reputation is expanding faster than the universe.

                                                                  STEAK SHAPIRO
                                     His reputation is shrinking quicker than George Costanza.

    
                                                                       DOS EQUIS
                  He has so many talents, there is a sign on his back that reads, "Standing Room Only."

                                                                  STEAK SHAPIRO
                             He has so little talent, there is a sign on his forehead that reads, "Vacant."

                                                                  DOS EQUIS GUY
                                                          His blood smells like cologne.

                                                                  STEAK SHAPIRO
                                                        His blood smells like a cess pool.
                                                                                

                                                                  DOS EQUIS GUY
                                                          He cures people who are dying

                                                                 STEAK SHAPIRO
                                                          He mocks people who are dying.

                                                                   DOS EQUIS GUY
                                               He is the life of parties he doesn't even attend.

                                                                  STEAK SHAPIRO
                                               He sucks the life out of every party he attends.

                                                                   DOS EQUIS GUY
                                             If at first he does not succeed, then it is impossible.

                                                                  STEAK SHAPIRO
                      He succeeded at first because his father made it impossible for him to screw up.

                                                                DOS EQUIS GUY
                                                    His donation card also lists his beard

                                                                STEAK SHAPIRO
                                           His donation doesn't say anything about a brain.

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790 THE ZONE FIRES ITS CLOWNS

 

Good-bye, Steak Shapiro, and take Bozo and Baby Huey with you. 790 The Zone in Atlanta
turned the lights out and microphone off for the trio that delivered the worst attempt at humor
in the history of sports talk radio.

On Monday morning, Shapiro, Chris Dimino, and Nick Cellini thought it was a good idea to
mock a former NFL player dying with ALS. They didn't just say something off the cuff about
Steve Gleason, an inspirational hero who once played for the New Orleans Saints. Instead, they
planned and produced a skit that made Gleason appear that he was talking to them live via
telephone.

They actually thought about it and decided to try and get a cheap laugh by using a robotic voice
that many ALS victims employ after the disease ravages their motor skills, making it impossible
to speak on their own. In the annals of sports talk radio, this is about as low as it gets, even for
the talentless crew of 790 The Zone.

Management at the Atlanta-based station, quickly suspended the trio, then pulled the plug on
their act for good on Monday night. Shapiro, Cellini, and Domino were a big part of 790 The
Zone since its inception, but it wasn't because, obviously, of any discernible talent.

Shapiro helped found the station, thanks to the deep pockets of his father. He couldn't get a job
anywhere else, so daddy bought a place for him to work. He often battled with former Braves
pitcher John Rocker and became a celebrity in town, basically because of his longevity. After
all, when your father pulls many of the strings, you get pointed in the right direction and away
from the firing line.

That changed when Shapiro and his partner Andrew Saltzman sold their stake in the company.
When you don't have the money or the power anymore, the security, or lack of it, often follows.
Nobody could protect Shapiro and his sidekicks, Dimino and Cellini after they made a skit about
Gleason that was tasteless, classless, and indefensible. How these guys could actually think this
was going to go over well with anybody in Atlanta, much less the entire country, just illustrates
what mental midgets they are.

Shapiro and company got too arrogant and too fat. They believed they ruled Atlanta's sports
talk radio scene, which while in a big market, has the talent level that is below average at best.
Case in point, Sandra Golden. She was a former sports reporter at Fox Sports Net, who couldn't
tell you if a football is pumped or stuffed. She hooked on with Shapiro and 790 The Zone after
getting dumped by FSN and then moved over to rival 680 The Fan. Golden can't make it through
an update without fumbling all over herself and the only thing she knows about sports is what
she reads in USA Today or watches on ESPN. Yet, she is a staple of the Atlanta sports talk
radio scene.

Time's up, Steak, and you are well-done. You and your buddies made fun of a dying man with
ALS, and that is your legacy. You made fun of other people for years just to get a cheap laugh.

Now, it is all those people who are getting the last laugh. But the party is not over. In fact, it's
just getting started and Shapiro, Dimino, and Cellini are now on the wrong end of all the jokes.

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790 THE ZONE SINKS TO NEW LOW BY MOCKING STEVE GLEASON

Everyone knows it doesn't take any kind of talent to work in sports talk radio. Most of the
hacks working on the airwaves around the country got to where they are by being obnoxious,
offensive, and by watching ESPN and re-gurgitating what they read in their local newspapers.

And when you have those precious qualities, coupled with being an absolute moron, then the
result is a situation that happened in Atlanta.

Steak Shapiro, Chis Dimino, and Nick Cellini have been suspended by their bosses at 790 The
Zone for a completely offensive skit they produced about Steve Gleason, a folk hero in New
Orleans and former member of the Saints. Gleason is dying from ALS. He is a symbol of heart,
character, and courage.

The aforementioned hosts somehow thought they could get a cheap laugh out of their audience
by mocking Gleason with a skit that they actually took time to plan, produce, and execute. This
is beyond mind-boggling. This is beyond offensive. This is downright despicable. I know all about
"shock value" and creating a buzz, but this crosses the line by a country mile.

 

The skit about Gleason featured a person talking with a robotic voice, something that many
ALS victims have, courtesy of a device used after their motor skills degenerate. We saw this
with O.J. Brigance, a former player with the Baltimore Ravens afflicted with the same disease
as Gleason. Brigance was shown on CBS giving the Ravens a speech with the help of a
computerized device after the team won the Super Bowl. It was a heart-wrenching moment.

Shapiro, who only got his position because he helped found the station (plus, his father invested heavily in it)  has been untouchable at the station. He has so far declined to comment on the skit about Gleason. Not unusual. Shapiro is not exactly a stand-up guy. Cellini road the coattails of his
brother, Nick, a longtime former anchor with CNN, and has about as much talent as a thumb tack.
Dimino is the most talented of the three and definitely has the most common sense of the trio.
It's hard to believe, he got caught up in doing a skit of this poor taste, but when your station
is struggling in the ratings, pressure does strange things to a person's thought process.

790 The Zone might reside in a big-time market, but the station along with their hosts are
small-time. They once employed Sandra Golden, whose best talent, is stabbing others in the
back to get ahead, and watching SportsCenter for hours to get all her information so she can
at least sound like she knows what she's talking about behind her fake, made-for-radio laugh.

It's been said that bad publicity is better than no publicity at all. 790 The Zone hasn't been
getting a lot of attention since 680 The Fan overtook them in the ratings. Their act lost its
fizzle a long time ago, kind of like a bottle of Soda sitting without its cap for a couple of days.

790 The Zone is weak--and despicable. For them to actually think about mocking a player
who is dying because of ALS is beyond comprehension. Was the extra buzz or national
attention really worth it?

Shapiro, Dimino, and Cellini should all be fired immediately. Gleason has more character,
integrity, and intelligence in his right pinkie, than those three stooges have combined. And
that's what they are: Three big stooges.

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KIDD, A ROSE, AND THE PATRIOTS RING-GATE.

Why did Robert Kraft make such a big deal over Putin swiping his ring? After all, the Patriots
pulled a fast one on the St. Louis Rams before their Super Bowl, taking video of their walk-
through. After seeing the Patriots cheat and thus, taking away their chance at a ring, do you
think they care about the Patriots owner losing his?

NBC Sports and the rest of the sports media made such a big deal over Phil Mickelson attending
his daughter's graduation and taking the red-eye (on his private jet) to make the first round of
the U.S. Open, they missed the compelling story of Justin Rose. The media made like Mickelson
was the only father in the world who bent over backwards to make a daughter's graduation and
the only player in the field who was a father. Please. They wanted so badly for Mickelson to

write their story, they missed out on Rose playing for his Dad, who was his coach and mentor
and  recently passed away. Oh, sure, they picked up on it when it appeared he might win, but
NBC and  the rest of the media went way overboard with Mickelson, who crashed and burned
again.

By the way, it must have been an interesting Father's Day for Shawn Kemp, Antonio Cromartie,
and Travis Henry. They all have six or more children with at least four woman. My head is
spinning thinking that, so I hope tjat made sense. I'm sure they needed name tags on Sunday to
help figure out who was who.

Johnny Football is turning into Johnny Diva. The Heisman Trophy winner from Texas A & M
became a huge celebrity after winning the coveted trophy as a freshman and he reveled in all
of it. But he doesn't want to be hounded or be kicked out of bars for not being of age.
Over the weekend, he tweeted that he wanted out of College Station, Texas as soon as possible.
Then realizing his stupid-ness, deleted it. Too late, much of Twittersphere saw it. Johnny Football
tried to atone for his error by saying that he loved College Station, but everybody should "
walk a day in my shoes", to see what it's like living in a fish bow. OMG, give me a break. I
dislike this guy already. Reminds me of a little Brett Favre.

Johnny Oduya of the Chicago Blackhawks is my new favorite player. What a name! I think
I can hear NBC Hockey play-by-play guy Mike Emrick laughing every time he announces
Johnny Oduya. I need to get a Blackhawks jersey with his name on it.

Bruins are still my pick to win it all. The Hawks may have a little more talent, but Boston has
Toooooooooooka Rask and an iron will. The NHL has never seen a team with this much
resiliency, and in this epic series, that's what it will come down to.

T.O visited Chad Johnson in jail? Give me a break. He should be visiting the Kardashians
to try to earn a spot on their reality show. T.O. craves the spotlight as much as Kim, and
now that he's over-the-hill by NFL standards, he doesn't have much talent like her, either.

Jason Kidd, the new coach of the New York Nets, has a court date this week for his
DUI arrest he received last summer. Kidd also was involved in a domestic abuse case with
his wife several years ago. I guess the Nets made like Rutgers and Mark McQwire and
didn't care to talk about the past when interviewing him. It's kind of a joke, really. Image
and character only counts when you're not a Hall of Fame point guard.

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TOP 10 NAMES I'D SWIPE FOR A DAY (VOL.III)

10. JOEY PANKAKE. On Tuesday afternoon, I was working on my computer and had
 the UNC-South Carolina game on in the background. When I heard the ESPN announcer say,
 "Joey Pankake is waiting on deck",  I almost fell out of my chair. Joey Pankake? Yep, Pankake
 as in Aunt Jemima's favorite breakfast food. The South Carolina power-hitter's name stands
 right up there with Joey Baggadonuts, Joey Buttofucco, and Paulie Walnuts. Those names just
 roll off the tongue in a very unique way. I'd settle for Joey's last name, then I could be Paulie
 Pankake.

  9. TUUKA RASK. I don't think many people outside of Boston heard this name before the
  NHL playoffs started, but Tuuka Rask has become a household name. (Among NHL fans,
  anyway) Tooooooka! I'm sure many people will be naming their new puppies, "Tooooka".
  And the Bruins goalie not only has a great first name, but he has a spectacular mask, rhymes
  with Rask, which he has painted on the bottom of it.
 

 

 

8. JOHNNY ODUYA. The Blackhawks defenseman has a name right up there with Dirk

  Diggler. I'm just wondering when a porn-star producer is going to use this name in his next
  film or video. "Hi, I'm Johnny Oduya." Girl: "Excuse me, what did you same your name was?"
  "It's Oduya." I could've sworn NBC Sports play-by-play announcer was laughing every time
   he called Johnny Oduya's name out.
  

   7. YASIEL PUIG. It's pronounced Ya-SEE-el Pweeg. OK, so maybe the Dodgers rookie's
   name doesn't roll off the tongue like Joey Pankake, but it's definitely unique. If I can't have his
   name, I'd love to have is powerful right arm and picture-perfect swing. Pweeeeeeeeeg!
  

   6. MILAN LUCIC. Ok, so maybe I still have hockey on the brain from last night's three
   overtime thriller between Chicago and Boston. But, you have to admit, this series is not only
   filled with great talent, but great names as well. Milan Lucic is a classic. The Bruins rugged
   forward has a name that's pronounced Me-Lan LOO-Cheech. That's a great first name and
   last name.

   5. SKYE DAWSON. Any name that has Skye in it, especially for an athlete, is a good one.
   The former kick returner from TCU, which also makes him a former Horned Frog, another
   classic name, just signed a free-agent contract with the Washington Redskins.

   4. YOURHIGHNESS MORGAN.  I kid you not. This dude was a hard-hitting linebacker
    for Florida Atlantic University until a series of concussions forced him to call it a career
    last year. I sure hope he doesn't get brain damage that affects him memory. It'd be a shame
    if he couldn't remember his name.
   

   3. GRAHAM SAIKO. Does the South Carolina baseball team have a few great names or
    what? First, there's Johnny Pankake, and now, Graham Saiko (Psycho). When people say
    he's a psycho, they aren't kidding.
   

   2. SKYE BOLT. Simply an awesome name that you just can't forget. Skye Bolt. Wow. He
   plays outfield for the College World Series-bound UNC Tar Heels. No relation to Usain
   Bolt.
  

  
   1. DICK TRICKLE. In honor of the former NASCAR driver and short-track legend, I
   have to put Dick Trickle at the head of this list. Trickle, regarded as one of the nicest guys
   in the sport, died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound last month.
  

 

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BULL DURHAM AND A MAGICAL NIGHT 25 YEARS AGO.

 

When I strolled into Durham Athletic Park with my Lynchburg Red Sox teammates on June 12, 1988, I couldn't help but marvel at the odds of being there to play the Durham Bulls on "Bull
Durham Night", which marked the premiere of the movie that had been filmed there six months earlier. I wondered if it was destiny, divine intervention, or just freak luck that had me playing
in that small city on Tobacco Road, just eight miles away from where I attended college at UNC.

I walked out of that same park in October after working on a movie with a title that made no 
sense and a plot that many critics said was going to make for one of the worst films ever. I didn't
have any expectations of appearing in the movie, nor did I ever think I'd be playing baseball again
after an unfulfilled career with the Tar Heels. The line for actors and extras left on the cutting
room floor stretches from  Durham to Los Angeles and there wasn't a major league team busting down my door to get my name on a contract. But I did make sure to get a picture with Kevin
Costner before I left Durham Athletic Park for good. Or at least, I thought for good.

That June, I was back there, somehow, someway,  playing the real life Durham Bulls on a typical North  Carolina  night that was so hot and humid, you had to towel off after blinking. Before the game,  Ron Shelton,  who wrote and directed, "Bull Duham", called me over to his seats, which
were directly behind home  plate. He told me the home run scene I had filmed with Costner had
made the final cut and  wished me luck in the game. I thanked him but I wasn't exactly doing
cart wheels. Again, nobody thought "Bull Durham" was going to do well at the box office and
when you hear a film critic say it's  going to be the worst movie ever made, well, it's not something you tell the world about.

 

I was more excited about playing the Durham Bulls in front of 5,000 fans, all of whom seemed
to be right on top of you. The charm of the "DAP",  as it was called, is that the seats are extremely close to the field, like Wrigley Field and Fenway Park. There is a 20-foot high fence in right field with an old warehouse behind it. And that mechanical bull from the movie was still there. It's a
great baseball  experience for the fans, as well as the players.

I thanked Shelton for helping to make that happen as well. Before the filming of the baseball
scenes, we had  a two-week camp where we took batting practice everyday with Costner and the other actors with  Shelton and Howard McCullough, a Red Sox scout hired as a consultant,
watching from behind the  cage. I finished a round by hitting one out from the right side of the
plate, then hit two over the fence from the left side. Shelton, who made it to AAA with the

 

RON SHELTON

Baltimore Orioles, turned to McCullough  and said,  "You mean to tell me you can't sign a
switch-hitting catcher with some pop?" McCullough, who I had known from my UNC days,
didn't say anything, but he called me in Decemeber and offered me a free-agent contract with
the Red Sox. Funny how things sometimes work out.

So, there I was in Durham Athletic Park on the night of June 12, 1988 catching against the Bulls,
the Class A affiliate of the Atlanta Braves in the Carolina League. Everything seemed so surreal
and almost like an out-of-body experience. It was baseball nirvana. Things would get even more
interesting and magical as the night wore on. I came to the plate in the fifth inning with the bases-loaded and stepped in against a hard-throwing right-hander named Jimenez.

Two months into my professional career I had yet to hit a home run, and had never hit one from
the left-side of the plate in my entire life.I started hitting left-handed during my junior year at
UNC and didn't get many at-bats from that side of the plate. We had two catchers, Matt Merullo
and Jesse Levis, both of whom went on to play in the major leagues, hitting left-handed so there
wasn't much of a need for a lefty neophyte to take away any of their at-bats.

On a 2-2 count, Jimenez, delivered a belt high fastball that I took a whack at. Honestly, I thought
 it was just a lazy fly ball to right-field. I hit many of those, so I had a good idea of what  they
felt like. But for some reason, perhaps it was divine intervention, the ball just kept carrying on
this hot, muggy, Carolina summer night. The ball disappeared over  the right-field fence, clearing it by what seemed to be a half an inch. It didn't matter. It still  counted as a grand slam. I was so excited, I nearly broke the hand of our third base coach as I celebrated my first professional home run, which came on "Bull Durham Night" in nearly the  same spot as I belted one during the filming of it. Unreal.

As I jogged back to the dugout after crossing home plate, there was Shelton yelling and
screaming, celebrating the home run with more excitement than I was showing, at least on the outside, anyway. This was pro ball, you had to be cool and restrained. But on the inside, I was
saying, "No effin' way that just happened. What are the odds of that? Five months ago, I was
laying on my couch with my  baseball dreams shattered. And now this? You can't make it up?
The night of the premiere?" Hollywood couldn't have written that script.

It was a magical night for me and one I'll never forget. How could I? My teammates and I
went to  a special showing of "Bull Durham" the next afternoon, which turned out to be really special. After a long night of celebrating at "Four Corners" in Chapel Hill, my old college
stopping grounds, I showed  up with a nasty hangover. But the excitement of seeing the movie
took care of that. To see how that movie came together and the rip-roaring laughs I got out of it,
was truly a classic moment. Seeing myself on a huge screen was a little more than I could take.
And when my teammates all looked over at me, I just slunk down in my chair and tried to
disappear.

"Bull Durham" had a lot more staying power than my career, which fizzled out the next year.
The movie, which had been dogged by critics before its release, turned out to be a true moive
classic. YouTube, the Internet, and incessant re-runs have kept it alive 25 years later. People
can recite many of the lines from what was a brilliantly-written script and nearly every
minor-leaguer has seen it more than once.

It became a part of my life for good 25 years ago today, and while I honestly get embarrassed
when people bring it up, I still get one helluva chuckle out of it. Going from one of the worst
movies ever to a classic, is something I can always laugh about. And being a small part of it,
is something I will always cherish.

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TOP 10 THINGS BILL BELICHICK SAYS ABOUT TIM TEBOW.

 

Bill Belichick will address the media at 10:45am in Foxborough on Tuesday. Things he won't be
talking about: The foot fetishes of Rex Ryan, Wes Welker's Twitter obsessed wife, Robert Kraft's
30-year old girlfriend, and Deer Antler Spray. Nope. this press conference will be ALL about Tim
Tebow, why he signed him, and how he expects to employ him as a football player.

Here are the Top 10 things Belichick will say about Tim Tebow and what he's really thinking.

10. He's a good football player who, I think, can help us become a better team and win football
      games.
     
      What he's really thinking: We signed Tebow to be a chaperone to Gronk and calm his dancing
      ass down.

9. I don't care what Tebow did with the New York Jets. I coach the New England Patriots and
      that's all I can control. My job is to put players in the best possible position to succeed and
      help us win games.

     What he's really thinking: The Jets are the dumbest team in the history of the league and
     wasted the talents of Tebow. Christ, they let Danny Woodhead go and I made him a star. I'm
     going to stick it to them again and like it.

  8. I think Tebow can succeed as a quarterback in this league with the proper coaching.

     What he's really thinking: Tebow is the worst QB in the history of the league. He's killed
     enough worms with his throws to feed a million baby birds. Bill Walsh couldn't make him
     a quarterback. He will run, receive, and block for this team and nothing else.

  7. I've always been a big fan of Tim Tebow.

      What he's really thinking: My girlfriend loves him and told me to sign him. What baby wants,
      baby gets.

   6. No, I don't think Tim Tebow will be a distraction to this football team at all.

      What he's really thinking: I control everything. I'll let you know when Tebow talks,
      walks, and can run bare chested in the rain through training camp. Which I can tell
      you right now, ain't happening. I made sure Corey Dillon and Randy Moss followed
      the program. When they didn't, they were gone. Same goes for Tebow.

   5.  No, I didn't sign Tebow as a favor to Urban Meyer, who is one of the few people I
        actually like on this planet.

        What he's really thinking: I wish these reporters would quit asking such
        stupid questions. The Bruins are playing for the Stanley Cup and I'm answering questions
        about the 53rd guy on the team. (If he's lucky enough to make it)

    4.  Tim Tebow is like any other player on this team. He'll have to work hard, be smart,
         and prove he can help this team.

         What he's really thinking: We needed to step up our Bible study group. If nothing else,
         Tebow will take it to a new level.

    3.  Why is ESPN so obsessed with Tim Tebow? I have no idea, you'll have to ask them.
  
          What he's really thinking? I hate ESPN. I hate Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless. I
          hate when Stu Scott screams, 'Boo-yeah'. Boo-yeah? What the hell does that mean?
          Did they get bored worshipping LeBron James already? Give me a break

     2.  Do I like Tebowing? I like Tebowing as much as I like Face-Twit or whatever you
          guys call it?

          What he's really thinking: What a dumb effin' question. I'm tired of this noise already.
          What time do the Bruins play tomorrow night?

      1.  No, I don't think Tebow is a God.

           What he's really thinking: If Tebow was God, he'd complete at least 50 percent of
           his quarterback. God is on this team, but he wears number 12.
  

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