After dealing with the scandals of Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson, and Greg Hardy
over the last few months, I imagine that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell could only
shake his head when this story came across his desk:
Dallas Cowboys running back Joe Randle arrested for stealing a tester bottle of cologne
and a two-pack of Polo underwear.
Not exactly the kind of thing that's going to cause the NFL to lose its Annheiser-Busch
sponsorship, but it probably made Goodell say to himself, "Are you kidding me?"
Yep, Randle, a back-up running back thought he could elude security at a Dillard's store
in Dallas after pulling the 'ole five-finger discount. Randle went big, really big. He swiped
a tester bottle of cologne ($84) and a two-pack of black polo underwear. That's a big haul,
for sure.
Randle thought he hit paydirt after getting out of the store without the alarms
going off. I'm sure he kind of felt the exhilaration of former Bengals running back Icky
Woods in that Geico commercial after learning he was next up to get his cold cuts.
Trouble was, the security team captured Randle's 'score' on camera. He didn't exactly
wave and say, 'hi mom', as he scooted out the door, but the security team did introduce
themselves to Randle in the parking lot before he was handcuffed and taken away by
police.
Randle didn't end up on the commissioner's exempt list like Rice, Peterson, Hardy, and
Dwyer did, but he became the poster boy for pure stupidity. The former fifth-round pick
out of Oklahoma State makes $495,000 a year. That's chump change to some of the NFL's
big hitters, but it's certainly more than enough to pay for a god-dang two-pack of underwear
and a tester bottle of cologne and still have something left over to get the latest version of
Madden NFL Live.
Good, lord, are people really this dumb?
Randle said it was the "biggest mistake of (my) life." I'm sure this wasn't the first time
he stole something, (just a hunch) because few people making a half-a-million dollars
just all of a sudden get the urge to swipe something. Randle's biggest mistake was obviously
getting caught.
The Cowboys fined their back-up running back $29,000, the equivalent of a game check.
$29,000! Do you know how many pairs of underwear and cologne Randle could purchase
with that kind of money and not have to get a mug shot? A lot.
The irony of all of this, the cologne Randle decided to swipe was called, "Guilty." Some
things you just can't make up.
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