On Sunday morning, Hannah Storm of ESPN gave a passionate and emotional speech
to viewers of the Worldwide-Leader of Sports. She talked about the NFL's domestic
violence problems and the impact it made on her and her daughter, whom Storm pointed
out, was participating in a fantasy league for the very first time. (That probably won't
be worthy of a tweet on SportsCenter, but you never know).
Storm questioned the league's "zero tolerance" policy and wondered aloud about its
integrity, looking into the camera and asking, "What exactly does the NFL stand for?"
Which got me wondering about the kind of rant Storm would've gone on if she decided
to shed some light on the boorish and inappropriate behavior by many of the network's
stars over the years. Would she have looked into the camera with lip quivering and asked,
"What exactly does ESPN stand for?"
I think it would've gone something like this:
"I got up Tuesday morning expecting to read about all the great things people were
saying about my domestic violence speech. Instead, my daughter googled "ESPN"
and I ended up having to answer a lot of questions she had about the ridiculous
behavior of some of my co-workers over the years.
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| Jalen Rose arrested for DUI |
"Mommy, why didn't he get fired?" I couldn't really answer that one. She wanted
to know why Matthew Barnaby, an NHL expert, still had a job after getting arrested
for a domestic violence incident in 2011. I'm guessing the executives didn't see
a videotape of it so it didn't really count. It did less than a year later when Barnaby
got a DUI and finally got canned.
I wanted to call my agent to see if he had received any offers yet for me to be on
"Letterman", but my daughter kept reading away and asking questions. "Mommy,
Stephen A. Smith made insensitive remarks about domestic violence after the Ray
Rice story came out and all he got was a suspension. What happened to ESPN's
zero tolerance policy?" I had to tell her that in life, it all depends on who you are. Rod
Parker called RGIII a "cornball brother" and he got fired.
And remember what Tony Kornheiser said about me and my wardrobe a
few years ago:
“She’s got on red go-go boots and a Catholic school plaid skirt. Way too short
for somebody in her 40s or maybe early 50s by now. She has sausage casing
wrapping around her upper body. Hannah Storm … come on now! Stop! What
are you doing?”
That was a blessing in disguise. ESPN not only suspended Kornheiser but to
soothe my feelings they gave me $100,000 to spend on a new wardrobe. No
more sausage casing for me!
I'm just glad my daughter didn't ask me about Steve Phillips, Harold Reynolds,
Dana Jacobsen, Ron Franklin, Mike Tirico, and Lord, help us, Sean Salisbury.
Whew! That would've been embarrassing.
So, forget about the NFL, I mean after all, they had 700 players arrested since 2000,
or about half as many inappropriate incidents with staffers here at ESPN.
(Camera zooms in on Storm) So, I want to know. (pause)...What exactly does
ESPN stand for? We are the worldwide leader in sports and we sometimes act like
we are the worldwide leader in immature behavior. When will zero tolerance
really mean zero tolerance?"
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