TOP 10 THINGS YOU MIGHT FIND IN MIKE NAPOLI'S BEARD

If the Boston Red Sox keep winning, Mike Napoli's beard might grow as long as the ZZ
Top dudes. The thing is starting to look like one of my science projects that got me sent
home in the 7th grade. It's long, it's narly, and to some folks, well, it's just plain nasty. But
it sure seems to be working for Napoli and the Red Sox who are starting to look more like
the boys from the hood in "Deliverance" rather than the "Duck Dynasty.

Here are the Top 10 things you're most likely to find in Napoli's beard.

10. JIMMY HOFFA The FBI has looked everywhere and come up empty in search of

the former teamster's body. Might as well poke around in Napoli's beard for it. Once you
get past the chicken wings and watermelon seeds, you might just discover Hoffa's body.

9.  BILL BELICHICK'S PERSONALITY.  If it's not hiding in Napoli's beard then the

Hoodie's personality may never be found or we just have to come to the realization that he

never had one.

8. THE GUN OF AARON HERNANDEZ.  Well, nobody seems to know where it is,

do they?

7. LANE KIFFIN. Haven't heard or seen Kiffin since he got canned from his job at  USC
in the wee hours of the morning a few weeks ago. I'm sure he'll come out out of Napoli's
forrest when the New York Giants hire him to be their next head coach. The guy ALWAYS
fails up.

6. DAVID ORTIZ' PED'S. Big Papi just seems to be getting better and better as he gets

older and older. It ain't the shoes, Mars, it's ain't the shoes. I think Papi stashes them deep in

the Nappy beard.

5. MANTI TEO's GIRLFRIEND. Don't believe the lies. Lanay Kukua is ALIVE and
she's living comfortably in Napoli's beard.

4. THE MONEY JOHNNY MANZIEL TOOK FOR SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS.
The NCAA looked far and wide and came away with nothing. Should've headed to Boston.
Might've had better lucky finding it underneath the beard made of brillo.

3. BOBBY VALENTINE'S BIKE.  The former manager who brought the Red Sox
down quicker than the Titanic, contacted ownership to see if they could FedEx his bike
to his new digs at Sacred Heart University. No dice. Larry Lucchino couldn't find it. All
signs point to Napoli's beard.

2. THE GOLD MEDALS OF LOLO JONES. What? She didn't win any? Are you
serious?! Well, never mind on that one.

1. CORK AND EMPTY CHAMPAGNE BOTTLES FORM TUESDAY'S CELEBRATION
IN TAMPA BAY.