On Monday afternoon, Western Kentucky introduced Bobby Petrino as its new
football coach. The Hilltoppers hired Petrino despite a checkered past that includes,
lies, deceit, and infidelity. He was fired last spring after it was revealed he had
an affair with a 26-year old woman whom he hired for a position in the football
department at Arkansas, bypassing protocol, in addition to giving her a $20,000 gift,
and many rides on his Harley-Davidson.
Here are some of the quotes from his press conference at Western Kentucky,
followed by the things that he must have been really thinking about as he took a job
that is a far cry from the ones he had in Arkansas and with the Atlanta Falcons where
he was given multimillion-dollar-a-year contracts. Petrino will be paid $850,000 annually
at Western Kentucky.
What Petrino said:
"At this point in my career, it's about getting back and coaching players. It just happened
to open up at a place we love."
What Petrino was really thinking:
"At this point in my career, its about using another program as a springboard to
a bigger and better job. It just happened to be at Western Kentucky. Good Lord,
I'm just going to have to rough it for a year in this place.. I'm just happy the
athletic director was desperate to get on ESPN for 10 seconds and the administrators
have a broken moral compass, just like me."
What Petrino said:
"I hope to be here as long as possible."
What Petrino was really thinking:
"I'm out of here as soon as possible. Bowling Green, Kentucky? This place makes
the living quarters in "Deliverance" seem like the Four Seasons. One winning season
and I'm gone."
What Petrino said about recruiting:
"I'm going to be able to sit down with mom and dad and the student-athlete
and make them understand how the (Arkansas) experience has made me a
better coach, a better person, and will make me understand their son better."
What Petrino was really thinking:
"I'm going to sit down with mom, dad, and the stud athlete and tell them
how the Arkansas experience was flat-out awesome. I mean, did you see how
hot that girl was? I'm 51, she was 26. Who's the man? I am. And you better
understand that if your son doesn't run a 4.5 in the 40-yard dash little
Johnny has no chance of playing for me.
What Petrino said:
"I'm looking forward to the opportunity I'll be able to give student-athletes
when they make a mistake."
What Petrino was really thinking:
"I'm going to give every student-athlete who is over 18, blonde, athletic,
with long legs, the opportunity to contribute to me and the program. It won't
be a mistake to use your talents for the good of the Hilltoppers. If you have
game and can keep a secret, I'd like to see you in the football office for an
interview before the start of spring practice.
What Petrino said about being back in Kentucky, where he once coached
at Louisville:
"My wife and I consider this coming back home."
What Petrino was really thinking:
"We're not even unpacking our bags or getting change of address cards. As
soon as another school shows us the money, we'll be out of this state quicker
than Secretariat."
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